You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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