They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
