How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
