Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
