so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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