awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
