So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
