What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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