The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
