He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
