i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
