I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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