I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
