do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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