I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
