His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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