Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
