he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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