whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
