what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
