May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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