Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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