omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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