Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is my gift to your gina
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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