I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize