At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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