hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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