i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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