I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
