I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
