my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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