your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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