nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
