Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
