This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
