i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
