I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
