I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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