my mouth tastes like poor choices
one might say we're banned from that church
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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