rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
