we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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