New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
