I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
