she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
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Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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