i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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