Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
