I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
