I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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