just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
