Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
