She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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