i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
