I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
