there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
