she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
