you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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