Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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