i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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