I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
