If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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