I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"