so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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