woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
