I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
