ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
