You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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