I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
