if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
