I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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