I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
